I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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