So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
