Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
