How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
