i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
