you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
