look no pants
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
