the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
