every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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