I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
