god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
