Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
