I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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