On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
