I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
