she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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