Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
