Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
