He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
