I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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