i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
