Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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