Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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