i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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