So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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