and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
