I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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