So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
