dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
