Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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