She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
