i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
