He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
