Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
