you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
where am i from again
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
