and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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