found the other keg... it's in the tree
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's paint friendship bongs
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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