Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize