Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
