I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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