so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i think i just lost a toe
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
