Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
