Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
