yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize