I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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