Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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