Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
