Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
