Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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