Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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