i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
