He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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