They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
