I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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