pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
