My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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