i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
