He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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