i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
