you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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