Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
