I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
