Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
