you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
