i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
