I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
