If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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