You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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