I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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