guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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