I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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