we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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