Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
