guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
