HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
