What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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