I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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