So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
