if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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