the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
