meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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