We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
