I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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